The Power of Me

I forgot to grab my book yesterday morning and I hate doing that my one hour train trip each day seems much longer when I don’t have a book to read.  So the obvious thing to do was to go out at lunch time and buy something that would make the trip home bearable.

Two people have commented recently about Eckart Tolle and his book the Power of Now and it has practically jumped off the shelf at me several times in the past few weeks, as it has fallen off the shelf as my lady walked past it, so it was obvious to me that I should purchase it and see whether the hype matches the reality.

I should start by saying that as I look back over the recent years that I am a significantly different person now to who I was then.  I was once a totally rational man, the spritual meant little to me.  But if I said that I have seen auras and shapechangers, that I have had my dead father sit on the end of my bed, that I can feel pain by passing my hands over people, I would expect most people who know me to call me mad.  And perhaps they would be right, sometimes I feel that way as well.  I once would not have found the courage to write such things and perhaps that is the measure of the change.

And I have read much that has changed me, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Gordon Livingston’s Too Soon Old – Too Late Smart, and of course Don’t sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson.   Each of those have opened me to the spiritual and it is fair to say that my journey is at the beginning and that I have much to learn.

I have been both empowered and enslaved by my life.  That should be no secret to people either because we are all the same.  What I have begun to learn is that my life experiences have shaped me and the decisions I have made.  Some have not liked that and many, including myself, have probably not understood it.  So if I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this blog, it is because I am learning lessons from those reflections.  I am understanding what has made me what I am.

I have just begun the Power of Now and I will be interested to see how it does change me as I find my way through it.  I have no preconceptions for the knowledge of my self has been found in unexpected places.  No doubt there will be at least a few blog posts where I discuss what he talks about.

The train trip last night was not the place to really get into the book so instead I decided to try and open my senses to what was going on around me.  I have tended to spend the time on the train totally divorcing myself from the Now, but tonight I decided that I would exercise each sense and try and feel what was happening.

I saw people swaying with the movement, some sleeping, reading papers and books, doing cross words, listening to ipods and in most cases oblivious to those around them, seated next to and touching total strangers unaware of the contact.

I heard the clickety clack of the train, and the whine of the steel wheels on steel tracks, the whoosh of air from the pneumatic doors, the sound of my breath, of music leaked from ear phones, the bells of level crossings, occasionally a phone would ring and I could hear one side of the conversations about when people would get home, or what was for dinner, and the whisper of conversations from seats away.   When the automated announcements of upcoming stations was played over the loud speaker systems I not only heard it but felt it reverberating in my chest.

I felt the pressure on the balls and heels of my feet as I stood in the doorway for an hour, and the brush of my trousers on the hairs of my legs as I swayed to the movement of the train.  I felt an itch on my back and the scratch of my nail as I reacted to it, and the movement of air through my bowels as I resisted the urge to fart.   In clasping one hand on the other I felt the blood rushing through my veins and the beat of my heart.  A breeze caressed my face as the air forced it’s way in through the door seals.

And I looked around a last time and saw a hundred people cloistered in their own world, oblivious to everything I had experienced and I wondered how many times I had done the same thing and missed what was truly happening around me.

I have no idea if the Power of Now has anything to do with what I did tonight but I am looking forward to finding out.  Stay with me!

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The Power of Me

I forgot to grab my book yesterday morning and I hate doing that my one hour train trip each day seems much longer when I don’t have a book to read.  So the obvious thing to do was to go out at lunch time and buy something that would make the trip home bearable.

Two people have commented recently about Eckart Tolle and his book the Power of Now and it has practically jumped off the shelf at me several times in the past few weeks, as it has fallen off the shelf as my lady walked past it, so it was obvious to me that I should purchase it and see whether the hype matches the reality.

I should start by saying that as I look back over the recent years that I am a significantly different person now to who I was then.  I was once a totally rational man, the spritual meant little to me.  But if I said that I have seen auras and shapechangers, that I have had my dead father sit on the end of my bed, that I can feel pain by passing my hands over people, I would expect most people who know me to call me mad.  And perhaps they would be right, sometimes I feel that way as well.  I once would not have found the courage to write such things and perhaps that is the measure of the change.

And I have read much that has changed me, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Gordon Livingston’s Too Soon Old – Too Late Smart, and of course Don’t sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson.   Each of those have opened me to the spiritual and it is fair to say that my journey is at the beginning and that I have much to learn.

I have been both empowered and enslaved by my life.  That should be no secret to people either because we are all the same.  What I have begun to learn is that my life experiences have shaped me and the decisions I have made.  Some have not liked that and many, including myself, have probably not understood it.  So if I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this blog, it is because I am learning lessons from those reflections.  I am understanding what has made me what I am.

I have just begun the Power of Now and I will be interested to see how it does change me as I find my way through it.  I have no preconceptions for the knowledge of my self has been found in unexpected places.  No doubt there will be at least a few blog posts where I discuss what he talks about.

The train trip last night was not the place to really get into the book so instead I decided to try and open my senses to what was going on around me.  I have tended to spend the time on the train totally divorcing myself from the Now, but tonight I decided that I would exercise each sense and try and feel what was happening.

I saw people swaying with the movement, some sleeping, reading papers and books, doing cross words, listening to ipods and in most cases oblivious to those around them, seated next to and touching total strangers unaware of the contact.

I heard the clickety clack of the train, and the whine of the steel wheels on steel tracks, the whoosh of air from the pneumatic doors, the sound of my breath, of music leaked from ear phones, the bells of level crossings, occasionally a phone would ring and I could hear one side of the conversations about when people would get home, or what was for dinner, and the whisper of conversations from seats away.   When the automated announcements of upcoming stations was played over the loud speaker systems I not only heard it but felt it reverberating in my chest.

I felt the pressure on the balls and heels of my feet as I stood in the doorway for an hour, and the brush of my trousers on the hairs of my legs as I swayed to the movement of the train.  I felt an itch on my back and the scratch of my nail as I reacted to it, and the movement of air through my bowels as I resisted the urge to fart.   In clasping one hand on the other I felt the blood rushing through my veins and the beat of my heart.  A breeze caressed my face as the air forced it’s way in through the door seals.

And I looked around a last time and saw a hundred people cloistered in their own world, oblivious to everything I had experienced and I wondered how many times I had done the same thing and missed what was truly happening around me.

I have no idea if the Power of Now has anything to do with what I did tonight but I am looking forward to finding out.  Stay with me!

The Power of Me

I forgot to grab my book yesterday morning and I hate doing that my one hour train trip each day seems much longer when I don’t have a book to read.  So the obvious thing to do was to go out at lunch time and buy something that would make the trip home bearable.

Two people have commented recently about Eckart Tolle and his book the Power of Now and it has practically jumped off the shelf at me several times in the past few weeks, as it has fallen off the shelf as my lady walked past it, so it was obvious to me that I should purchase it and see whether the hype matches the reality.

I should start by saying that as I look back over the recent years that I am a significantly different person now to who I was then.  I was once a totally rational man, the spritual meant little to me.  But if I said that I have seen auras and shapechangers, that I have had my dead father sit on the end of my bed, that I can feel pain by passing my hands over people, I would expect most people who know me to call me mad.  And perhaps they would be right, sometimes I feel that way as well.  I once would not have found the courage to write such things and perhaps that is the measure of the change.

And I have read much that has changed me, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Gordon Livingston’s Too Soon Old – Too Late Smart, and of course Don’t sweat the small stuff by Richard Carlson.   Each of those have opened me to the spiritual and it is fair to say that my journey is at the beginning and that I have much to learn.

I have been both empowered and enslaved by my life.  That should be no secret to people either because we are all the same.  What I have begun to learn is that my life experiences have shaped me and the decisions I have made.  Some have not liked that and many, including myself, have probably not understood it.  So if I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this blog, it is because I am learning lessons from those reflections.  I am understanding what has made me what I am.

I have just begun the Power of Now and I will be interested to see how it does change me as I find my way through it.  I have no preconceptions for the knowledge of my self has been found in unexpected places.  No doubt there will be at least a few blog posts where I discuss what he talks about.

The train trip last night was not the place to really get into the book so instead I decided to try and open my senses to what was going on around me.  I have tended to spend the time on the train totally divorcing myself from the Now, but tonight I decided that I would exercise each sense and try and feel what was happening.

I saw people swaying with the movement, some sleeping, reading papers and books, doing cross words, listening to ipods and in most cases oblivious to those around them, seated next to and touching total strangers unaware of the contact.

I heard the clickety clack of the train, and the whine of the steel wheels on steel tracks, the whoosh of air from the pneumatic doors, the sound of my breath, of music leaked from ear phones, the bells of level crossings, occasionally a phone would ring and I could hear one side of the conversations about when people would get home, or what was for dinner, and the whisper of conversations from seats away.   When the automated announcements of upcoming stations was played over the loud speaker systems I not only heard it but felt it reverberating in my chest.

I felt the pressure on the balls and heels of my feet as I stood in the doorway for an hour, and the brush of my trousers on the hairs of my legs as I swayed to the movement of the train.  I felt an itch on my back and the scratch of my nail as I reacted to it, and the movement of air through my bowels as I resisted the urge to fart.   In clasping one hand on the other I felt the blood rushing through my veins and the beat of my heart.  A breeze caressed my face as the air forced it’s way in through the door seals.

And I looked around a last time and saw a hundred people cloistered in their own world, oblivious to everything I had experienced and I wondered how many times I had done the same thing and missed what was truly happening around me.

I have no idea if the Power of Now has anything to do with what I did tonight but I am looking forward to finding out.  Stay with me!

Victim, Judge or Both

“How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is thousands of times. The human is the only animal on Earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough, we don’t need to do it again. But every time we remember, we juge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again and again…”

Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements

I have mentioned this book many times before because it became the road map by which I was able to leave the backwaters and start to live again. But there are still times when I fall into old habits and with the comments from my friends and former family I find that again I am judging myself, again I am guilty and again I seek punishment. This comes in the form of restless sleep, perhaps of ungracious thoughts about other people, certainly in belting myself up about things again.

The very worst part is that you feel the need to step on eggshells again and maybe begin to compromise on what you think is the right thing. Despite the rocky start to the last week it ended well, far better than I expected and I am really grateful for that, but with the guilt I find that I look over my shoulder and constantly expect the worst.

So I sit here wondering what is going to go wrong this week knowing that those sort of feelings have absolutely no rational basis.

Victim, Judge or Both

“How many times do we pay for one mistake? The answer is thousands of times. The human is the only animal on Earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory. We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough, we don’t need to do it again. But every time we remember, we juge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again and again…”

Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements

I have mentioned this book many times before because it became the road map by which I was able to leave the backwaters and start to live again. But there are still times when I fall into old habits and with the comments from my friends and former family I find that again I am judging myself, again I am guilty and again I seek punishment. This comes in the form of restless sleep, perhaps of ungracious thoughts about other people, certainly in belting myself up about things again.

The very worst part is that you feel the need to step on eggshells again and maybe begin to compromise on what you think is the right thing. Despite the rocky start to the last week it ended well, far better than I expected and I am really grateful for that, but with the guilt I find that I look over my shoulder and constantly expect the worst.

So I sit here wondering what is going to go wrong this week knowing that those sort of feelings have absolutely no rational basis.

The Second Agreement – Don’t Take Anything Personally

Don Miguel Ruiz says that the second agreement grows from the first and stems from a belief that “everything is about me.” Thus when someone says “God you’re stupid”, even if they don’t know us we take it on board because we assume they know more about us than they actually do.

He says that even when people insult us it is not about us but about them because they say things as a result of their experiences and the agreements they have made throughout their lives. We take it personally as a result of trying to impose our world and our beliefs on what they are saying. Additionally when we do take things personally we are accepting the black magic that their word brings to our world. When we take on the tenets of this second agreement those words no longer have power over us.

He also states that our own beliefs are not necessarily compatible with each other and that sometimes they can create conflict in our own minds which makes us uncomfortable, or guilty, or confused. So the second part of this agreement is to not take everything our own minds tell us personally either, but rather to recognize that at times the conflict is real and does make us feel bad about our actions or parts of our lives. That is not to say that what our mind tells us is always wrong. The challenge is to recognize the truth when we hear it, even if it hurts, because when we hurt we can begin to heal.

“As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.”