This Melancholy Christmas

I tend to get a little bit maudlin at Christmas, maybe it’s because the kids are beyond kids now and the new traditions with a new partner are still yet to be defined.  It’s always been a balancing act but is even more so now in a blended family when not everyone gets along.  So we try and make the best of things despite some tension at times.  If I had a Christmas wish it would be that all six of the kids got along and things didn’t feel so uncomfortable when they are together.   Not sure whether that will ever happen.

This year though I have come to Christmas Eve with  the knoweldge that my job may not continue in the New Year.  Directors and owners are arguing over the spoils and the company direction seemingly oblivious to the fact that they have fucked up a lot of peoples Christmases this year.  Worse yet is that they have not given us the courtesy of an explanation.  I think that even if it does go forward it is not likely that many of my colleagues will stick things out.   And nor should anyone when they get treated this poorly.

So the melancholy simmers and the presents, such as they are, go unwrapped, because some of the family have missed out this year.    With no guarantee that I will be getting paid in January we have had to curtail spending so that we have enough aside to cover the mortgage.

And I have to admit this first year without Mum has things looking different as well.

I know there are people in way worse places than we are and I can only imagine their despair if these lousy feelings are anything to go by.  But this too shall pass.   The New Year will bring new opportunities and I have already started applying for other roles.   Something will come up.



  1. brismod said,

    December 24, 2010 at 9:04 am

    Christmas can be a big let down sometimes. I've learnt not to have high expectations. I hope you have a Merry Christmas despite the worries of your job. As you say the new year will no doubt bring different opportunities. Merry Christmas. x

  2. Loz said,

    December 24, 2010 at 10:53 am

    We will have a good day because for a while the troubles can be put aside and not intrude. Thanks for the visit Brismod – I appreciate it 🙂

  3. Sarah said,

    December 24, 2010 at 11:22 am

    I am glad you will be able to put things aside for the day. Your writing is truly amazing, I loved reading your post even though it was poignant and sad. Wishing you better things in 2011 and finding your way with your new family x

  4. December 24, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Loz, I am sure things will work out for you, you and Reinsey have each other, and that means lots. At least you got paid for December so that's a bonus compared to last week. Enjoy your Christmas Day and roll on 2011.

  5. Loz said,

    December 24, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Thank yo Sarah – you're very kind to say so.

  6. Loz said,

    December 24, 2010 at 11:33 am

    And thanks for being a good new friend Janine. I don't mean to sound so down because you're right we do have a lot to be thankful for.

  7. December 24, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Christmas does have its own kind of melancholy. I certainly feel it this year. Hope your Christmas is peaceful and the New Year brings some good things your way (including a job).

  8. Anonymous said,

    December 24, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    This seems to have been a pretty tough year for a lot of my friends and myself even. Wonder why?You are the sort of man who can make things happen Laurie. If this job is not to be, then something else will be there for you. And you are lucky having a partner with a good job too. Wishing you and yours well over the Christmas season. Although it's a time that brings up lots of stuff for many of us, still there are special moments to be enjoyed and grateful for.It is a time where real love can be shown.Take care.Jen xxx

  9. steviewren said,

    December 24, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Awww, I'm sorry all of these bad things have culminated in spoiling the Christmas spirit for you this year. I hope you and hubby have a wonderful day together and that the new year finds the children able to set aside their differences and find a way to come together. As to the uncertainty of your job…been there, done that. I've been without a job for seven months now, but lately came to the realization that this has been the best year of my life in a long time. I hope you find similar blessings in the unknown. Merry Christmas Loz and thanks for visiting my humble blog

  10. steviewren said,

    December 24, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    oops, sorry…you and the wife….: )

  11. Megan Flynn said,

    December 24, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Merry Christmas to you! Your writing is so beautiful.

  12. SK Waller said,

    December 24, 2010 at 6:24 pm

    I understand completely. I haven't had much work this year, and a check I was expecting in time for Christmas still hasn't arrived, so–no presents under our tree. I'm pretty down right now too and I'm tired of people and their pithy comments (on Facebook) telling me that I'll have more fun buying when the sales are on, or that it just makes the holiday last longer. The truth is, we can hardly feed ourselves right now. They haven't a clue of how hard it is as a parent not having presents to give.Your post is lovely and it makes me feel very close to you at this moment. I wish you a peaceful Christmas from the bottom of my heart and I pray that the new year provides for you all of the things your heart desires.

  13. Betsy said,

    December 24, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    Merry Christmas to you…I hope you enjoy the holidays even with the sadness and losses. And best wishes for your 2011..may it be full of happy surprises!

  14. Megan said,

    December 24, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Change is hard, but the good news is that things will change again. Merry Christmas to you. I hope the next year brings you many good changes. xo

  15. Snowbrush said,

    December 26, 2010 at 12:32 am

    We know that change comes, yet we're seldom prepared for it when it does. My wife, Peggy, often cries during the holidays because she grew up in the midst of large extended family, and now it's just her and me. I had no such family, and my parents handled Xmas awkwardly, so the time I have with her is the best I've ever known. I do hope it gets easier for you, as it almost certainly will.

  16. Anonymous said,

    December 26, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Hey Snowbrush…. Love your blog… you are a great writer… gonna come back and have a much more detailed read when I can.I love people who challenge orthodox religion.. and you have great humour amongst all that.Jen

  17. December 31, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Loz, sorry you're going through a tough time. Things will look up. Hang in there. Now's the time to count your blessings and keep on looking at the cup half full.My best wishes to you.

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