Lonesome Home

This past weekend L and the kids moved out of the family home. It was inevitable but not something I wanted nor welcomed. I left there myself more than 18 months ago as a result of a number of things but I am learning to attempt to live without regret. I do believe that in the long term it was the best decision for all of us.

Nonetheless, with someone new moving into my old home next weekend I can’t help but feel saddened. That is the house where we brought our four children home, where the birthdays and Christmases were celebrated, where the remains of five beloved family pets are buried. It echos with memories of that past life, of happier times when there were hints of a different future lurking just beyond tomorrow.

It has given a sense of place to my life for more than 25 years, more than a house, it was home in the true context of all that word encompasses.

So it is now yet another step along the way of moving on. I have signed over the home to L and she is in the process of paying out the joint mortgages and taking one in her own right. The house is hers now, or at least it will be when the paperwork is fnalised, and I don’t even really have any right to comment. I hope that the new living arrangements work. I hope the kids know that they can live with me if they wish to. I trust that the love of parents is more necessary and comforting than the physical reality of a house.

I want nothing more for all of us than the belief that at some time there will be a new home somewhere, somewhen.

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25 Comments

  1. Ingrid said,

    September 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Changes like that can stir up feelings that we thought had been put to rest.

    I felt something similar when my mother sold the house I grew up in, the house we lived in when my dad died. The last time I was in Puerto Rico I swung by the house and it felt weird that it was no longer ours. But things change and people need to move on.

  2. Ingrid said,

    September 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Changes like that can stir up feelings that we thought had been put to rest.I felt something similar when my mother sold the house I grew up in, the house we lived in when my dad died. The last time I was in Puerto Rico I swung by the house and it felt weird that it was no longer ours. But things change and people need to move on.

  3. Cynthia said,

    September 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    That’s a challenging time with so many memories there. Hang in there.

  4. Cynthia said,

    September 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm

    That’s a challenging time with so many memories there. Hang in there.

  5. meleah rebeccah said,

    September 10, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    just one more step towards closure.

  6. September 10, 2007 at 4:29 pm

    just one more step towards closure.

  7. Josie Two Shoes said,

    September 10, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    I can attest that it is very, very hard to leave a place that was home – with so many memories. Even though you left a bit earlier, I know it gave you comfort that they were all together still “at home”. But your are right, it is time for life to move on for everyone. They will find their place to feel comfortable, just as you have. May we all have another place that truely feels like home again, someday!

  8. September 10, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    I can attest that it is very, very hard to leave a place that was home – with so many memories. Even though you left a bit earlier, I know it gave you comfort that they were all together still “at home”. But your are right, it is time for life to move on for everyone. They will find their place to feel comfortable, just as you have. May we all have another place that truely feels like home again, someday!

  9. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 12:14 am

    Hi Ingrid – I still regularly drive past the house I grew up in too which I have written about previously here http://manta57.blogspot.com/2007/06/home.html

    Cynthia – I’m sure it will get easier.

    Mel – is there ever final closure?

    Josie – here here!

  10. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 12:14 am

    Hi Ingrid – I still regularly drive past the house I grew up in too which I have written about previously here http://manta57.blogspot.com/2007/06/home.htmlCynthia – I’m sure it will get easier.Mel – is there ever final closure?Josie – here here!

  11. Dorothy said,

    September 11, 2007 at 1:40 am

    Loz, Good luck getting through this hard time. Moving, giving up your history is never easy. However, you’ve made a decision and over time you;ll be okay with it…

    The important people in your life now are the children. Helping them adjust is probably the hardest part of your divorce. Talk about it, often, and ask them if they have questions. You’ll be surprised at how they will appreciate the opportunity to share their feelings.

  12. Dorothy said,

    September 11, 2007 at 1:40 am

    Loz, Good luck getting through this hard time. Moving, giving up your history is never easy. However, you’ve made a decision and over time you;ll be okay with it…The important people in your life now are the children. Helping them adjust is probably the hardest part of your divorce. Talk about it, often, and ask them if they have questions. You’ll be surprised at how they will appreciate the opportunity to share their feelings.

  13. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 1:45 am

    Thanks Dorothy
    I have begun to open up to the kids as well. Not an easy thing for me to do given my past, but my oldest daughter has commented on the fact that she has enjoyed the dialogue.

  14. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 1:45 am

    Thanks DorothyI have begun to open up to the kids as well. Not an easy thing for me to do given my past, but my oldest daughter has commented on the fact that she has enjoyed the dialogue.

  15. Blur Ting said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:09 am

    My goodness, it all sound so familiar. It’s only natural to feel the sadness at this point but once you have moved on, things will fall into place again soon, somehow.

  16. Blur Ting said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:09 am

    My goodness, it all sound so familiar. It’s only natural to feel the sadness at this point but once you have moved on, things will fall into place again soon, somehow.

  17. Gypsy said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:32 am

    I may very well be walking in your shoes one of these days Loz and I don’t look forward to it at all.

    I still often drive past my childhood home but it has a different air about it now, like it was never ours.

    Memories are sometimes bittersweet aren’t they?

  18. Gypsy said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:32 am

    I may very well be walking in your shoes one of these days Loz and I don’t look forward to it at all.I still often drive past my childhood home but it has a different air about it now, like it was never ours.Memories are sometimes bittersweet aren’t they?

  19. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:44 am

    Thank you for the encouragement Blur

  20. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:44 am

    Thank you for the encouragement Blur

  21. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 2:44 am

    Gypsy – as I’ve said on your blog, I know what you’re going through. Keep your chin up.

  22. Anonymous said,

    September 11, 2007 at 5:02 am

    I understand how hard and sad it would be for you to add this piece of closure to your life.

    Something you can never lose is the memories. Lots and lots of happy and loving memories. And you can always revisit those in your mind and of course with photos (which I’m sure you will have heaps of being such a keen photographer.)

    It will be a new and fresh start for L with hopefully a not so heavy burden to renew her life. And that is important too.

    Jen

  23. Anonymous said,

    September 11, 2007 at 5:02 am

    I understand how hard and sad it would be for you to add this piece of closure to your life.Something you can never lose is the memories. Lots and lots of happy and loving memories. And you can always revisit those in your mind and of course with photos (which I’m sure you will have heaps of being such a keen photographer.)It will be a new and fresh start for L with hopefully a not so heavy burden to renew her life. And that is important too.Jen

  24. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 9:25 am

    Jen – I do concentrate on the good memories and I hope that others will too. I spoke to my youngest daughter last night, asked her if she was settling in and how her new room was. She said “OK”. When I asked her why it was just OK she said “It’s just different.”

  25. Loz said,

    September 11, 2007 at 9:25 am

    Jen – I do concentrate on the good memories and I hope that others will too. I spoke to my youngest daughter last night, asked her if she was settling in and how her new room was. She said “OK”. When I asked her why it was just OK she said “It’s just different.”


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