My Darling Daughter


Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may remember the issue I had where my niece decided to leave a couple of comments here which I responded to here and here.

Last night daughter number two read those posts and posted her own comment which said –

Daughter number 2! said…

when did Amanda send that 2 you?

She can state her own opinion but i now see that you write on here what you want to get off your chest!

and she had no right to say that 2 u!!!

August 2, 2007 10:07 PM

My darling daughter,

Please don’t let what Amanda said worry you, nor is it worth getting angry about. People can always have opinions and sometimes they can be right and sometimes they will be wrong. Sometimes they will say things out of anger, or out of concern for other people, or maybe just because they get a bit self righteous and feel like they have a right to speak their minds no matter whether that has the potential to hurt other people or not.

But understand that Amanda’s words can’t hurt me and therefore they shouldn’t be something you waste your time dwelling on. I guess that I could say there is a lesson to be learnt for everyone here and that is you really do need to understand the power that words can have. If you learn that words, written or spoken, have the power to make people feel really good about themselves, or alternatively, the power to totally destroy them, then you can fully control any impact that the bad magic words can have over you. Nothing nasty that anyone can say can ever truly hurt you if you can understand the problem lies with them and not with you. That doesn’t mean that we should never take any notice of what people say about us, but we need to put it into context. If what they say means we can be kinder or more caring people than we are today, then of course we should aim to do that. But if they tell us we’re dumb, or stupid, or ugly, or too fat or too thin, and those things are said purely to hurt us, then we can justifiably ignore them.

I do want to thank you for posting because I know you were angry that I was writing things on the blog and I hope that you do now understand things a bit better than what you did before. You are right, this is a place where I can get things off my chest. Unlike your Mum, who has a lot of friends with whom she could talk, I didn’t have that and blogging became a place for me to write and where I could get some feedback from other people.

I think a lot of people don’t really understand how important receiving comments and feedback can be for lonely people and that is why I am really grateful for the friends I have made through blogging. Sure it’s a weird sort of friendship because the chances of me actually meeting any of these people is pretty slim, nonetheless, it is real. I guess in the olden days these sorts of friends would have been called penpals, the difference that the internet has made is that we don’t have to wait days, weeks or even months for feedback, and in fact, there is a possibility of real dialogue here. We can check in on people every day and find out what they’ve been doing and how they are feeling. So please also understand that I have not written anything with the intention of hurting you or anyone else.

No matter what happens I want you to know that I love you very much and I really do want to thank you for posting a comment on this blog. I hope you don’t mind that I have responded publicly but I wanted my blogging friends to know what a wonderful kid you are. You are my little ray of sunshine. See you at basketball tomorrow.

Love

Dad XXX

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31 Comments

  1. paisley said,

    August 3, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    well loz… it just goes to show you… you have all the right players in your corner….i am happy to see this…

  2. Josie Two Shoes said,

    August 3, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    First off… I LOVE the new look of your blog – it’s AWESOME Loz!!

    Your daughter is not only beautiful, but very sweet for posting a comment to your page saying that she is beginning to understand why you blog what you do here. That’s a big step for any child who has been caught in hurricaine of divorce.

    I love your response, it’s a good lesson for everyone to read, especially about the power of our words. It’s also obvious how much you love your daughter, but I bet she knows that already!

    I had never thought of the “penpal” comparison to blogging – but you are so right, that’s exactly what it is, in updated form. I’ve often thought how much having access to online friends could have changed our lives over the years.

    Once again, a wonderful, thought-filled post, Loz. Your perception and ability to write it so clearly always impresses me. Your journey is an inspiration. Think what a wonderfully wise old Grandpa you are going to be some day! 🙂

  3. Loz said,

    August 3, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    Paisley – Me too!

    Josie – thankyou but I hope the grandpa is a few years away yet 🙂

  4. Loz said,

    August 3, 2007 at 1:33 pm

    Paisley – Me too!

    Josie – thankyou but I hope the grandpa is a few years away yet 🙂

  5. Jeff said,

    August 3, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    That’s great. As have recently been discussed on my blogs, letting your “real life” people in your blog world is a two edged sword. It is great that it is working out so well for you.

  6. Beth said,

    August 3, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    Loz;

    I am glad to see that your daughter is starting to get it as well. I know you think you have made lots of mistakes, but you have also done many many good things – and I think the scales are tipped in your favor. I was thinking as I was reading your response I would have loved to have you as my dad…

    PS – love the new look

  7. meleah rebeccah said,

    August 3, 2007 at 4:49 pm

    Wait? I was confused for a second! I didn’t know where I was. LOVE the new look. Its so clean! and sparkly!

    You daughter, is as beautiful as the letter you wrote to her. I am always so moved by your words.

    I use my blog the same way…”pen-pal ish” this way I can keep close with my family and friends that live all over the country even though we cant get together that often.

    GREAT POST.

  8. Finn said,

    August 3, 2007 at 5:23 pm

    You’ve fixed up the place — nice!

    That was lovely of your daughter to do. Another classy lady in your life.

    And the response you gave makes me understand why she is the way she is. Excellent answer.

  9. Josie Two Shoes said,

    August 3, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    Hehehe, I hear ya on that Loz! 🙂

  10. Leiselb said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:02 am

    What a beautiful, wise letter to your daughter. And what a brave darling girl too.

  11. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:32 am

    Jeff – I agree, but this one has made it worthwhile

  12. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:34 am

    Beth – thankyou and I was glad to see your stepson has been back in contact with you too

  13. Jod{i} said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:35 am

    What a beautiful lady you have there! Inside and out!

    I do observe that, all involved with your immediate family…wife too and kids, all have written some positive thoughts…I find it amazing that is those on the outside looking in, that are quick to kneee jerk…

    You are blessed to have such wonderful children…apple doesnt fall far now does it?

  14. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:35 am

    Hi Mel, thanks for the comments – have you found any problems with being out there in bright lights as yourself – I’m sure you’ve probably already read Jeff’s post but if not, pop over to his blog and have a read.

  15. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:37 am

    Finn – she is a great kid who has struggled, like all of us, with what has happened so I was really glad she took the time to read and post.

  16. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:38 am

    Hi Leisel thanks for dropping in and folks if you haven’t read “Dead Man’s Honda” you’ll find it in my links section

  17. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:42 am

    Jodi – when a relationship goes sour or just becomes distant there are two things that can happen – you can get bitter and twisted about it or you can do your best to move on in a positive manner. We’ve had our rough times and sad times and there will be probably more to come, but I am truly grateful for the support I have gotten from my immediate family, because without that I think I would have curled up in a corner and vegetated.

  18. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 12:43 am

    PS – Thanks everyone for the comments on the new theme. I like it too!

  19. Pen and the Sword said,

    August 4, 2007 at 1:30 am

    I would just die if my family read my blogs. I prefer the anonymity of it and prefer that strangers read rather than family. I think the only family I have reading my blog right now is my sister-in-law, but she is such a sweet gal and very nearly a close friend at this point.

    However, the fact that your daughter is being so supportive of your outlet must make your heart swell and bring some relief to you at any rate. She looks like a sweetheart and you are very lucky to have such an open-minded daughter in your life.

    I love your blog and am glad that I happened across it. You write with such depth and emotion I feel like I can really identify with you and I am glad to call you my “friend” :o)

    Hope you have a great weekend, Loz!

  20. Worldman said,

    August 4, 2007 at 3:11 am

    You and me have something in common: A beautiful daughter, both in looks and in spirit. And this is something great……..

    Your new layout looks beautiful!

  21. Josie Two Shoes said,

    August 4, 2007 at 3:12 am

    Loz, I took the liberty of linking to, quoting from, and commenting on this post. Check it out, hope you approve. I thought it was well worth recommending!

  22. Loz said,

    August 4, 2007 at 3:42 am

    Pen – thanks for the comment and for being a friend 🙂

    Peter – we are both lucky men then.

    Josie – thanks for being the liond distance friend you are.

    Folks I know I said it’s unlikely we’ll ever meet, but one day if ever you get to Melbourne you are welcome to stay with me.

  23. Micki said,

    August 4, 2007 at 3:50 am

    Beautiful new look, Loz! Your letter to your daughter brought tears!

  24. Josie Two Shoes said,

    August 4, 2007 at 3:55 am

    It’s funny when you say that Loz, because who of us could have imagined ourselves sitting here blogging our journeys just five years ago? Who knows where we might be five years from now… perhaps even Australia! 🙂

  25. Anonymous said,

    August 4, 2007 at 7:24 am

    I am delighted to read this post Laurie.
    Words either said or written have such power over us and for your daughter to understand this at such a young age will help her immensely on her own journey through life.
    Your letter to her is just beautiful and powerful for all of us.
    Oh, and I hope her team won today.
    Jen

  26. Akelamalu said,

    August 4, 2007 at 9:41 am

    I popped over from Josie’s place and have to agree with her opinion – this post is lovely! Your daughter is such a pretty girl too. 🙂

  27. Random Magus said,

    August 4, 2007 at 1:13 pm

    You are as perceptive as ever, most of what people say to us springs from their unhappy place and not ours.
    Actually now I’m a bit apprehensive of letting the real people into my blog because I reveal so much more here. At first my blog addresses were in my email signature and everything but now I have removed everything and it’s my private haven.

  28. Blur Ting said,

    August 5, 2007 at 1:26 am

    I agree with everyone…your daughter is beautiful and she cares for you.

    You have given a very good reply, the best that a parent can give in this situation. Both of you are blessed to have each other.

    I’m a daughter too and have gone through many phases in my life. I realise that as I grow older, my love for my parents grow more and more. Your bond will continue to grow stronger too.

  29. Lisa said,

    August 5, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    your daughter is lovely! Sounds like she’s got a very good head on her shoulders — give yourself some credit for that!

  30. Loz said,

    August 5, 2007 at 11:44 pm

    Thankyou Micki.

    Josie – maybe one day we can organise a blogmeet for this circle.

    Thankyou Jen – and as a Carlton supported I am of course hoping that we don’t win another game for the season so that we collect that priority draft pick 🙂

    Thankyou and welcome akelamalu – now the only other akela’s I’ve ever met were in the boy scouts – you weren’t a cubmaster were you?

    Amber – there are advantages and disadvantages to being public as opposed to writing a stealth blog. There have been many times when I’d wished I was anonymous, but now it’s there it’s there.

    Blur – we all need to remember to cherish our kids.

    Lisa – it’s sometimes really easy to forget that there are positives that I can hold onto, receiving the coment from my daughter was one of them.

  31. Akelamalu said,

    August 6, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    No I’m not a cubmaster or mistress either, in fact I wasn’t even in the brownies or guides. 🙂


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