My Darling Daughter


Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may remember the issue I had where my niece decided to leave a couple of comments here which I responded to here and here.

Last night daughter number two read those posts and posted her own comment which said –

Daughter number 2! said…

when did Amanda send that 2 you?

She can state her own opinion but i now see that you write on here what you want to get off your chest!

and she had no right to say that 2 u!!!

August 2, 2007 10:07 PM

My darling daughter,

Please don’t let what Amanda said worry you, nor is it worth getting angry about. People can always have opinions and sometimes they can be right and sometimes they will be wrong. Sometimes they will say things out of anger, or out of concern for other people, or maybe just because they get a bit self righteous and feel like they have a right to speak their minds no matter whether that has the potential to hurt other people or not.

But understand that Amanda’s words can’t hurt me and therefore they shouldn’t be something you waste your time dwelling on. I guess that I could say there is a lesson to be learnt for everyone here and that is you really do need to understand the power that words can have. If you learn that words, written or spoken, have the power to make people feel really good about themselves, or alternatively, the power to totally destroy them, then you can fully control any impact that the bad magic words can have over you. Nothing nasty that anyone can say can ever truly hurt you if you can understand the problem lies with them and not with you. That doesn’t mean that we should never take any notice of what people say about us, but we need to put it into context. If what they say means we can be kinder or more caring people than we are today, then of course we should aim to do that. But if they tell us we’re dumb, or stupid, or ugly, or too fat or too thin, and those things are said purely to hurt us, then we can justifiably ignore them.

I do want to thank you for posting because I know you were angry that I was writing things on the blog and I hope that you do now understand things a bit better than what you did before. You are right, this is a place where I can get things off my chest. Unlike your Mum, who has a lot of friends with whom she could talk, I didn’t have that and blogging became a place for me to write and where I could get some feedback from other people.

I think a lot of people don’t really understand how important receiving comments and feedback can be for lonely people and that is why I am really grateful for the friends I have made through blogging. Sure it’s a weird sort of friendship because the chances of me actually meeting any of these people is pretty slim, nonetheless, it is real. I guess in the olden days these sorts of friends would have been called penpals, the difference that the internet has made is that we don’t have to wait days, weeks or even months for feedback, and in fact, there is a possibility of real dialogue here. We can check in on people every day and find out what they’ve been doing and how they are feeling. So please also understand that I have not written anything with the intention of hurting you or anyone else.

No matter what happens I want you to know that I love you very much and I really do want to thank you for posting a comment on this blog. I hope you don’t mind that I have responded publicly but I wanted my blogging friends to know what a wonderful kid you are. You are my little ray of sunshine. See you at basketball tomorrow.

Love

Dad XXX

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